Life has brought me a strange new level of peace. Since I have been in recovery, I have had many examples of the Lord's time. I have had experiences that have proven that the Lord loves me, and watches out for me, where I can no longer deny my Heavenly Father brings things to me in just the right time.
I have nothing to fear. For example, I have been viewing something with Jim and if my views were right I really needed to be patient and love him. Over the weekend, he says, “I guess I'm feeling...” As he explained to me how he felt, the sense of peace and love for him overwhelmed. My view of where I thought he was is right, and I have deep compassion for him in his struggles. I know that I would feel very similar to him, and likely act in a similar way. I am so thankful the Lord blessed me with slow action, and a quiet heart. I'm convinced the Lord will continue to bless our family with His tender mercies and sustain Jim in his rightous desires. This trial that our family is going though isn't what it appeared to be, rather a lesson in love and acceptance.
Yesterday, Britney and I took the kids to town. It was so much fun! I love spending time with my family. Again, I learned I have nothing to fear. The more I relaxed and enjoyed the funner it got. I can see the hand of the Lord firmly in my life now. He brings peace and joy whenever I am not trying to control things.
The other night at ARP we talked about step 3, turning our life over to God. I have been blessed with being shown the difference between the misery of trying to control my life and the lives of other, and allowing the Lord to shower my life with peace and joy.
The trials in my life aren't what I saw them as. I saw my life as a series of punishments for my sinful acts. Lately, I have seen a change in what these trials are. The trials that are currently in my life, seem to be offering me an opportunity to love others, especially the wonderful people in my family. Of course, it can't go without saying, my current trials offer me the continual opportunity to turn my heart toward God.
Step 3 has been very difficult for me. I wonder if I turn my life over to God, does that make me a failure? Who would I be? My identity is built on what I do, and I control. I take action to that which comes to my mind. The Lord has patiently shown me, that isn't who I am. He is showing me that not only is it safe to turn my life over to Him, but it brings a beauty, a peace, a joy that is beyond my imagination. I long to turn my life over to my Lord, fully. My heart is full of gratitude for His love, and His patience toward me.