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Monday, February 28, 2011

Heart of Charity

The way I see it, is we can offer charity towards other people. Doing charitable acts, can bring a sense of love or peace into our lives. It can also bring loathing, and resentment. As I think about people in my life, that reflect charity. I can see how everyone has their own unique way of being charity. Some people give of their time or their talents. Some people just know how to offer a loving listening ear. While others, have such profound life experience that they know how to offer life changing advise, in an inviting way.

One thing about charity that I'm at the most awe is a child. So often children are mistreated, and often loved as if they are less. Children, have a way of reflecting charity, in a way that most reflects Christ's love. They love those who mistreat them. What a beautiful love a child has towards everyone. How simple it is for a child to laugh, and to spread the joy in their heart to everyone willing to receive it. Children are natural peace givers. When war rages within their homes, they are the first ones to offer hugs and kisses to those at war.

As I grew up from childhood, into the life of co-dependency where did I lose this special gift that children posses, the gift of charity, that reflects Christ's love? As an adult, I look at the children in my home and I know they are the greatest reflection of Charity and Christ like love. I have so much to learn from them. Each time one of them wraps their arms around me, and says, I love you. The purity of their love is obvious and gives them the power to melt my heart.

In my opinion it couldn't be possible for any co-dependency tenancies to exist in the heart of a child. I believe there is a connection between a special child heart and the heart I have. I want to develop the heart of a child again. A heart that trust, forgives, and loves those that mistreat them. I want to love again. 

Surrendering to my lies?

It is so hard to step back and see other people in pain, and know that there is nothing I should do. Anything I might do, would likely be a mistake. I need to allow people their free agency, and their growing pains.

I have learned so much through my journey. I want to utilize step 12 (Share this message with others). Really what I want to do, is use step 12 as my justification to tell others what to do, and what is best for them! You know, that I know what is best.

What does it take to accept that other people are in a place of learning and acceptance themselves? These people aren't just people, they are our adult kids, which makes me want to use that fact as a justification of jump in and help them. The only thing that keeps me from jumping in is the idea, that if I help, I limit them from learning and growing into their own. When I limit people I love from learning and growing, I now feel terrible. I can look into the past and see how damaging it is to them. My love for them right now is requiring me not to help them. That is so hard. Seeing someone I love struggle is so painful.

I silently worry about them, and wish for things in their lives to be different. I have to diligently focus on acceptance. They are where they are are for their own good! They will learn more from this experience from me not helping, them from me helping.

If I surrender to this and help in an inappropriate way I only surrender to my lies, my boxes.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Lying To Myself (Again or maybe it's still)

I have come to the core of one of my greatest weaknesses! (At least I think it's the core, truly I never know. I've been surprised a time or two.) Anyway, I want to talk to you about it for a few minutes.

I have gone back and forth on a major ethical issue for most of my life. I have continually thought that I was following the right path for me. I have felt I was making the best choices possible. I was in agreement with Jim, and how he wanted to deal with this issue. I loved him and supported him. I tried diligently not to consider my feelings on the issue.

A couple of months ago, Jim invited me for a car ride. He had been doing some soul searching and had come to some conclusions that he wanted to address. I found myself feeling uneasy and it was nearly impossible to verbalize my feelings or thoughts on the matter. I simply agreed with his position, and on we went.

This week, this issue appeared and demanded to be addressed. I simply became more resolute to support Jim.

Last night I woke up at 1:40 am. I was alert, and very much awake. I contemplated how tired I was going to be in the day to come. My mind, surprisingly drifted to this issue, what will become a life changing issue. I spent the next three hours, comfortably, going through every detail of this issue.

Do you know what I learned? Maybe you have had a similar experience and you do know what I learned, and maybe not yet. It really doesn't matter, because I'm going to tell you what I learned. I'm not sure you want the three hour version, so here's the shortened version.

I learned that I have been lying to myself for all these years, lying by omission. The reason, I have not been able to verbalize pretty much anything in this issue is that I didn't want to hear my own voice on the issue. I very much have an opinion on the matter, you won't be surprised to know that my opinion doesn't match popular opinion. There isn't anything I know on the issue, but this I know for sure. God knows the way, and I will follow Him.

My alarm went off at 5:00, in the darkness of the morning, I shared everything I felt with Jim. I shared everything...Jim was so comforting, and accepting of my feelings. I shared for close to an hour; we got up, got the kids ready and off to school. After the kids were off to school, and the animals fed Jim and I crawled back in bed and kept talking. The first few words were challenging to get out of my mouth, after I did it was all so easy. After sharing with Jim in step 4 and 5, I found myself at ease talking to him.

The thing is there wasn't anything to talk about until I could be honest and willing to accept my truth. Here I am firmly back at step 1, I am dishonest with myself, and I hide the truth from myself. I am powerless to overcome my own unbelief. It really doesn't matter where this ethical issue lies in reality. It only matters what this issue showed me, about myself.

Maybe it isn't that I needed to accept my truth, like I mentioned earlier. Maybe it is to accept His truth. Somewhere buried in all my lies, is His truth and it only takes the peaceful silence of 1:40-4:30 in the morning in order for me to recognize it.

I sit here before you this evening, actually thinking I'm talking to real people. It is very likely, I am mistaken in my opinion on this issue. Nonetheless, I sit here knowing that I am unworthy of the mercies of the Savior, yet even in my weaknesses He continually blesses me with His mercy, and the glory of His light and truth. 

Thursday, February 24, 2011

20 Great Life Shortcuts

Wouldn't it be great if we had a few life-shortcuts? Wouldn't it be great if we could learn a few methods to avoid heartache and pain or to get things done faster and better? Wouldn't it be great if people who know more because they have experienced more would tell us what to do?
Guess what? This advice is all around us. All we need to do is open our ears and our eyes to hear what tradition and those who have gone before us have said. Here are 20 of my favorites. (Now, if I could just use them consistently!)
  1. A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)
  2. Pay yourself first.
  3. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
  4. Tomorrow never comes.
  5. If not now, when?
  6. Life happens.
  7. It is what it is.
  8. Everything has a way of working out in the end.
  9. God doesn't make junk.
  10. All things are difficult before they are easy. (Thomas Fuller)
  11. No good deed goes unpunished. (Oscar Wilde)
  12. You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
  13. The day will happen whether or not you get up. (John Ciardi)
  14. Never confuse thoughtlessness with malice. (Robert Charles Whitehead)
  15. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
  16. Dig the well before you are thirsty.
  17. Sometimes the best way to hold onto something is to let it go.
  18. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't. (Erica Jong)
  19. When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us. (Alexander Graham Bell)
  20. Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I Need A Plan!!!!

Life is really bearing down on me right now. Time constraints, physical constraints, mental constraints, it is all adding up to be almost unbearable...I haven't had anything available to work what I would explain as forward motion on “my program” It is taking everything I have to stay focused on the steps I have taken and the material I have.

I found myself in a deep box this evening. Saying that I deserve, better! This shouldn't be the cards I was dealt... Something else I have found myself doing, is something I haven't done in a long time, “ifin' and wishin'” If only the snow would melt and spring were here. I wish other people would act,---(of course, act like I think is best).

I find that I can stay out of the box toward some of the people in my situation, but not others. I think I use my boxes towards others as my justification in staying out of the box towards others. Kinda a strange observation.

I'm thankful that I found myself here, because of how miserable it felt, and because I recognized it almost immediately.

It is obvious I have a choice to make. I can accept the situation that I currently find myself in and come to peace with it, OR, not. In order to come to my acceptance of this situation I must make some changes. As I talked to Jim this evening, I don't see any changes that I can make. I don't see any changes at this time, physical, and mental constraints that I find myself under. I get up in the morning at 5:00. I wonder if I could make a personal sacrifice and get up at 4:30 to work on “my program”?

I wonder if I could “take five” away from my day? I'm not sure how to orchestrate this. I need a plan. How can I develop a plan that will invite me to stay out of the box, to inspire others, and a plan that helps me be able to sustain “my program” while life is bearing down on me like it is at this time?

What I haven't talked about is step 1. Admit that I am powerless to overcome my weaknesses in this situation, and this is unmanageable on my own. Step 2, I believe God can restore my in my weaknesses to spiritual health. Step 3 Commitment to turning this over to God. In that it doesn't mean He will take it away, but believe He will sustain me and make my weak things strong. Step 4 Make a searching inventory of this situation. I think this blog, plus other writings I have done a searching inventory. Step 5 Admit your wrongs to yourself, and in this case to Jim. My talk with Jim, helped me realize some of the depth of my wrongs and my weaknesses in how I'm viewing and dealing with this situation. Step 6 Become entirely willing and ready to have God remove your shortcomings. Step 7 Humbly, ask God to remove your shortcomings....

WOW! What a great plan “I” developed. So this example might serve to show that the ARP program works on a broad spectrum to spiritually heal from the sins and addictions of my life, but also as a specifically detailed program to deal with the day to day pressures of life....

Thursday, February 17, 2011


There is so much that has happened to me, these past few days. My mind and soul have been in such a fog. I have had a lot to sort out. Working Step 7 has turned out to not be anything like I thought it would. Step 7, Humble ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings. As I first looked at this step, I thought:
  • I'm not worthy to have my shortcomings removed, I haven't done enough work.
  • Heavenly Father has removed so many shortcomings from me so far, how could I ask for more. I thought that would be selfish.
  • One of my other thoughts was, If the Lord uses shortcomings and hardships as an invitation for us to turn our hearts towards Him. If I asked Him to remove my shortcomings would I really be telling Him, I didn't want to turn my heart towards Him. Right now, I didn't think I could risk not having something to invite me to come unto Christ.
I'd like to talk for a moment what I've learned really learned about asking Heavenly Father to remove my shortcomings. The main thing I think about is the story of Abigal, and how she took on the name of Christ and his reputation. I am taught that she is a “type” of Christ. In that she took the sins of her husband Nabal upon her, and asked. She asked “Forgive this handmade of the trespass.” In a very real way, Christ ask me the same question. When someone sins against me, He steps in and ask me to forgive Him of the trespass. He has already paid the price of the trespass and ask me to accept the price He paid, and forgive Him. It almost seems like the person that sinned against me doesn't exists. It doesn't dissolve them of their responsibility. They are responsible to Christ. I am responsible to accept His payment for their debt.

In this aspect Christ gives me His name, and reputation so that my heart can act and feel in this way. The challenging thing to me, in my mind right now is how to apply this principle to myself. I have been so hard on myself, trying to hold myself to extremely unrealistic expectations. How do I accept that Christ is asking me to forgive Him for my sins and my trespasses? How do I accept that He has already made up the difference? I am responsible to accept His payment for my debt.

When I am able to accept His name and His reputation, this would be in exchange for my shortcomings. What an amazing concept, one in which I can not even come close to comprehending. Where do I begin to have faith in Christ, and believe without comprehending or understanding? 

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day

As I watched the movie, The Sunset Limited, I began to learn more about the 12 step program, the teachings of the Anatomy of Peace, but mostly about my own recovery.

It all began with the line, “I don't have an original thought in my head. If it doesn't have the lingering sent of Divinity to it, I'm not interested in it.” How true that is? What this line did for me, is give me perspective of how I want to strive to live. Later in the movie he said, “Sometimes I go into manual over ride, and I have to catch myself...” As I have come into recovery, and have gained an awareness of my addictions, I tend to beat myself up again and again. These two lines helps me realize that the beating myself up is not the answer, and encourage me to offer myself the tender mercies that I am offered from the Lord.

The movie portrayed deep contrast of right and wrong, based in belief. As I have reflected on my recovery this morning I have looked into my past and compared how much I am like the two men in the movie. I have been in the darkest place like one of the men. It was only by the grace of God, that there was a light in my life that gave me a glimpse of desire to find a way to God.

Good morning Valentine's Day, a day of love, a day of hope, a day to relish in beautiful relationships. I have so many beautiful relationships, first off is my growing relationship with my Savior. The beauty of all my other relationships stem off my faith in my relationship with my Savior.

Jim for example, I've always known how amazing he was, and I know that I'm not deserving of his love. Through coming to know Christ, I've been able to come to know Jim as well. Yes, Jim is amazing, and I am free to love him because even through I'm not deserving of his love the Lord will make up the difference.

I know that Jim and I make a wonderful team, we work together so well. There is no way, I could be successful without him. It is just marvelous that we are different, we think different. Our strengths compliment each other. Funny thing is, I come up with a well thought out plan, that I think is “perfect.” When I unroll my plan to Jim, unfailingly, he will come up with a way to improve my plan and really make it great. When I was deep in my addictions I would become very defensive, and frustrated. I thought he was better than me, and I felt this was a personal attack against me.

Now, that I'm in recovery, I no longer see life this way. When I start to develop a plan, I look to Jim for his ideas, his perspective. To create the “perfect” plan doesn't just depend on me, it depends on my willingness to submit to the Lord's plan and team up with Jim to carry that plan out. We are so good together because the Lord makes up the differences. With that, on this Valentine's Day it makes me love Jim more.  

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Three Most Significant Days

What a beautiful springish morning. As I was out feeding the animals I couldn't help but notice the silence of this morning, the peace, and joy that linger in this silence. How could I think that February has anything to do with spring? As I walked I could see the first of the spring birds flying from leafless branch to leafless branch as they sung their songs of hope to me. In the not to far off, I can hear the cows bawling. Here it is just beginning calving season, so where ever you go, you get to see the brand new breath of life in those calves.

I just couldn't resist the temptation to consider that spring brings with it a new birth, new life. There is a freshness in spring that always seems to breath new life into me. This year, more so than any other year before. I am new, this is a rebirth for me and my heart. I am excited to get outside, and live in the spring. I love the energy that spring and summer bring. This morning, I'm urged to live in that spring now. I'm not running out to put on shorts and flip flops, but in my heart I am going to live in peace and joy, and be willing to enjoy the rebirth of myself.

As I live this day, I am going to really ponder my rebirth, my new heart, and how I can contribute the gifts I have been given by the Lord to others.

Three Most Significant Days
1- The day you were born
2- The day you discover the gifts you were born to give
3- The day you discover how you can contribute your gifts

Thursday, February 10, 2011

God does love me...

I feel like yesterday's post was really profound, although, I know the words didn't come from my mind, but my soul. I am thankful for all the opportunities in which I am taught. I have procrastinated writing today, hoping something equally as profound would come to me, but as of now it hasn't. In a small way, this testifies to the moments in all our lives in which profound words of the spirit come. We must cherish these words, and record them so that other can benefit from them as well.

Today, a really neat thing happened. I was sitting in the truck with the little boys; they were hungry. Remember that little boys are always hungry. I know I used the word always, and I think it quit appropriate for this scenario. I opened a bag of cheese crackers and was sharing it between them. I was hungry too, it was half past lunch time, and I knew it. Anyway, the crackers didn't look all that appealing but I ate one anyway. It didn't taste all that good either, I thought I should would love something healthy. (WOW, that was a surprising thought) Within about 30 seconds from having that thought, DING, (text message) It's Britney wanting to know if I wanted a salad. Instantly, a 100 things raced through my mind. “Was this a miracle, given to me because I allowed myself to be willing to wish for something healthy, something different than the same old garbage?” “Your wish is my command!” “This is sorta creepy.” No matter what I thought, I knew it was something meant to be.

I feel very fortunate, and blessed that as I recognize my willingness to allow goodness to come into my life, that it does. From this experience, I learned that I don't need to try to figure out the “How” in life, but just be willing to “Allow” good to come. God does love me, He watches over me, He knows me, and even when I'm not asking, He's answering.  

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Being Willing Continued...

As I have done some more thinking about ...Being willing... I have come up with some ideas. As a general guide in recovery "we willingly turn our lives over to God." then something comes along like the opportunity to be willing to eat right, exercise or whatever it is. The old lies we have told ourselves start screaming for us to listen to them. The moment we recognize them for the lies that they are; willingness to choose something new springs up. We, again, choose to turn this over to God, and humbly ask Him to remove this shortcoming, this lie. In that split second the willingness of our hearts, turns to God and peace is showered on our souls.

For me, this has been a journey not only of healing but of repetitious learning and relearning the steps back to our Heavenly Father. He so lovingly gives me opportunities of growth, that tenderly teach me. For so many years I have been brutally at war with myself, God, and everyone else. The tender mercies of the Lord's teachings are so real, and surprisingly so comfortable and offer a safety I've never known in my addictions.

Yesterday, I was meditating with my vision board, and I was offered the sense of real peace. I know I have talked about this peace on several occasions. What I haven't talked about is my willingness to accept it into my heart. I love the feeling, often times I find myself hiding from it. What I mean is, I can't deny the reality of this feeling of peace, forgiveness, and love. I find in the initial moments of these feelings coming to my heart, I feel somewhat embarrassed and physically get a little flushed thus I hide or push the feelings a side.

I knew in that moment that I had to make the choice to be willing to accept this gift, that in spite of my weaknesses Heavenly Father, was offering me His peace, forgiveness, and love. I struggled a bit, and finally sat there and felt. In a split second, everything was made right. I'm not even going to attempt to express how different my life is today, the beauty, the light, the love.

With that being said, I want to invite you to be willing to accept the gifts that Heavenly Father is offering you through His tender mercies. Recovery is a beautiful place to be, but being willing to accept His gifts into our hearts hold a beauty that is incomprehensible.  

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Being Willing to...

I was reading Becky Sampson's blog... and she was talking about being willing to exercise. Her words struck a deep part of my heart. I have always used the words, “I should” I have come to realize that “I should” is just another way I sabotage myself, and set myself up for failure. Then it occurred to me, that in my addiction I am more than willing to take care of anyone else. More than willing to the point I HAVE to take care of others. Why is it that I refuse to take care of myself? I recognize that taking care of myself is critical. It makes logical sense that I can't help others unless I am healthy enough to do it.

As I look at it, Becky's words “being willing to...” helps put my thinking patterns into perspective.  Realization that my thinking patterns and beliefs are wrong, is an awesome thing. There is a lot more to this issue, and I am looking forward to figuring out what it is. 

Monday, February 7, 2011

Step 7 Act of my Love

How does step 7 qualify as the greatest act of your love so far?
I know that I am not worthy to ask the Lord to remove my shortcomings. I know that I have been prideful and unbelieving towards the Lord. I know that I have allowed my sins to become who I was. For me to become humble enough to ask the Lord to remove my shortcomings to me, is like asking Him to remove the lies I've told that have justified my prideful war against my own spirit and against Him. It is like asking Him to assist me in burying my weapons or war, deep enough that I can not dig them up again. I no longer feel it necessary to be at war with God, myself, or anyone else. It is like humbly accepting His heart as my new heart.

Friday, February 4, 2011

The Simple Beauty of Life

The little simple things in life, can bring so much happiness when we are willing to see them. Looking back I was so obsessed in being miserable that I wasn't willing to recognize anything that might point towards happiness. I always strived to create a “perfect” life, for my family. For example, we would have a family get together, and I would kick into perfectionist mode. I would go all out to create to best menu, decorations. Tables, chairs matching dishes, and of course there would be a theme. When the family would get there, everything was done so there was nothing for anyone to help with. I on the other hand was still running around with this list of a 1000 things that I still needed to adjust.

I never enjoyed these gatherings. I can see now, that I wasn't providing an opportunity for my guest to enjoy themselves either. This past year, I have recognized that it isn't the food, dishes, or theme that our family gathers together for. They come to enjoy each others company, and they would like me to sit with them and just chat....Wow, what a concept....

A couple weeks ago, we had just such a family gathering. When people called and asked what they could bring, I let them suggest what they would like to bring. I made simple chili, and store bought rolls. We ate on paper plates, which just might turn into my “good china.” I actually ate with everyone, and spent the rest of the time chatting with everyone. I had such a great time, and captured so many smiling faces by taking over 100 pictures. I even let other people take my camera and get some shots of me, laughing and talking.

There are so many other ways, we can recognize or add some simple elegance to our lives. I'm going to take the time, to enjoy a pickle wedge next to my sandwich. Have you ever recognized how beautiful the crunch sound is when you cut lettuce? In the fall, I was sitting next to the resavor just above our house, and enjoyed the fish jump and the rings ripple out as the sun set in the background.

As I sit here and recall how wonderful these simple things are in life, I recognize that I was blinded to the simple beauty of life when I was deep in my addictions. I know that being able to have these simple moments of beauty beings the joy that comes from turning to Christ. They are gifts from heaven, gifts to enjoy on our journey here on this earth. When I pause to offer gratitude for these simple gifts in my life, I have an overwhelming sense of abundance.   

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Step 7 Humility

Step 7 Humility
Humbly ask Heaven Father to remove your shortcomings.

Choosing to be humble
Most of us come to recovery meetings in desperation, driven by the consequences of our addictions. We were compelled to be humble. The humility described in step 7, however, has a different cause. It is voluntary. It is the result of your own choice to humble yourself. How have your feelings of humility changed since you started recovery?

I have searched in desperation for years for healing. I, in my addictions searched selfishly. These words sound kinda funny. How could it be selfish to want to heal from an addiction? Wouldn't being selfish during the recovery process be a good thing? I can sense somewhat of a conflict when I suggest that I was selfish when I was searching for healing. Even in my prayers I would pray for God to take away my problems. I would chant why me???? why me???? It was selfish of me, because I wanted to avoid the consequences of my behavior. I wanted someone else to blame for my life, and the hell I found myself in.

Even when I was presented with the ARP program, this selfishness was still there, it was still the driving force. I was desperate and I would try anything to heal my hell. Especially, now that through my search for healing I had become painfully aware that my life was hell and there was no denying that fact.

I started step 1 with the honest and true feelings that I was powerless to overcome my addictions and my life was truly unmanageable. As I spent the first months working step 1, my selfish stoney heart was softened to realize that it was alright to be powerless, that it was even a good thing. This was the first time in my life, that I remember feeling humility towards God. It didn't make me feel less than, it didn't make me feel weak. This humility made me feel strong, and “pointed towards God.”

Through, working he ARP steps, I feel like I have taken many steps in growing humility and desire to become one in heart and in mind with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The selfish motivation, is being replaced with humility.

I still desire to heal from my addictions. Now, I want to do it, so that I can be strong enough to serve our Lord. I want to serve Him with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. I am committed to giving my life to Him, not so that he will heal me, or give me a new heart, but so that I can come unto Him.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Weaknesses Made Strong

Throughout my life, I have spent the majority of my time hoping for the best for everyone in my life. Along with this hope, I took action to bring the best for everyone. Sounds sweet, loving, and full of Christ like love right? That couldn't be further from the truth.

I do want the best for everyone, but not really for the best for them. I wanted to be the one that provided the best for them, so that they would love me. I wanted to be at every beck and call, providing for their need before they even knew they had needs. I slaved and cared for everyone even to refusing their help.

Meanwhile, I was angry inside and grew more and more resentful with every kind act. “Why can't they see all that I have done for them?” “Can't they just be thankful, this once?” “If I were to get really sick, would someone take care of me?” I carried a Savior complex towards everyone. Silently, I always wondered why no one really loved me. I believed that it was simply because I wasn't deserving of anyone's love. This believe drove my Savior complex even more, trying to earn their love even more.

What I didn't recognize is that our Heavenly Father, sent us here to this earth with the ability for our spirits to communicate with each other on a higher level. It doesn't matter what actions we give towards each other, it doesn't matter what words we say to each other, it only matters what our hearts say to each others spirit. My heart was at war towards everyone, I was on the defensive. I had armies building up walls to keep out the people that I thought I was trying to earn love from. I refused any act of kindness from anyone. I actually thought that these acts of kindness were lies, they were trying to get past my walls so they could hurt me. I had to show more kindness, so that I always look better than anyone else.

This battle raged within my heart and soul for so many years that I developed a waring heart of stone. War leaves many casualties, but the causality of my own heart is the topic of this entry. Not only was I at war with everyone else, I was at war with myself. The war that I waged with myself was the worst possible war anyone could wage.

The regret, and remorse for the pain I have caused my family runs so deep. I have limited my children's growth. I haven't developed or shared my talents with the world. I haven't magnified my calling here on this earth. How can I make this up to everyone? At this point I'm not going to address, the negative emotions, or self-damaging things I caused myself, because I want to talk about the cease-fire that recovery has offered.

Over this past year, since I have been in recovery and working the ARP steps I have learned that our Heavenly Father through the atoning love of Jesus Christ offers a way out. My heart has been softened, my heart has been opened. My mind has been educated, with new ideas. The lies, have begun to be discovered, and dismissed for the lies that they are.

I am being offered the opportunity to make amends to my loved ones through my healing, my new example, my learning how to love them and to support their growth and accepting their free agency. I still hope for the best for everyone I love, and I am becoming willing to allow our Heavenly Father, and brother, Jesus Christ to offer them what they think is best, and I just sit back and support that as I can.

We are all apart of something far bigger than any of us can imagine. Somehow, not knowing the bigger picture and just having faith that All is Well, All is Well has a soft sense of peace and a deep sense of joy that rings through my spirit.

I love working my program. I love sharing the forgiveness and the freedom that comes from coming to Christ. I love that I can begin to recognize my weaknesses, and my addictions for they point me toward Christ and remind me of where I am striving to be. I find rest in His arms, and the courage to keep enduring to the end, and in that my weaknesses have been made strong.