So much has happened this summer, and in my recovery. As you all know, I contracted with the IJRA to take the photos of all the kids. As you also know, I have felt very overwhelmed. There is so much changing in my life, personally, financially, and family that these things have added to my feelings of overwhelmed.
I'm not here to tell you how overwhelmed I have felt. I am here to talk to you about how peaceful life has become. First, I had felt very dependent on “my daily routine.” My daily routine, waking up at 4:30 AM and involved prayer, meditation, study, and of course my 12 step program. The rest of the day was a dedication to letting go of my control, and trusting that God had a greater plan for me.
This summer sadly “My daily routine” has gone by the way side. I often wonder if I will fall and all the old patterns would come crashing back in. I know there is something critically important for me, to have that spiritual foundation on a daily basis in my life. I feel bad that I haven't had my daily routine this summer. I look forward to the fall when life slows down and I can have my daily routine back.
For now, I want to express my gratitude to my Savior for compensating for all my weaknesses, for sustaining me in the times I begin to feel overwhelmed, and for building my faith in Him to know that He will compensate for my weaknesses and sustain me in the times I can't stand on my own. (which is most all the time).
This summer has taught me, I don't need “My daily routine” as a crutch to get through the day. I am NOT broken anymore! I may not be broken anymore, and I'm certainly not perfect. I am someone just like you. I am someone that is worth saving, healing, and loving. I am someone, that welcomes challenges with the faith that Christ will be there to catch me when I fall. When I start to feel overwhelmed, anxiety, or fear I know that it is alright and natural to feel this way. It is my responsibility to turn to Him that saves for the way to get through this. The sweetness, of His atoning love and peace fills my heart and I know there will be a way through this. Although, I haven't had my daily routine, I have learned so much about my Savior. I have seen His teaching at work in my daily life.
There was an experience this summer that I wanted to come to a conclusion. I really wanted it to come to the conclusion that I wanted as well...(Surprise!) Obviously, it wasn't in my best interest to have this experience conclude and with the result I want, when I was wishing it would. Time and time again I could be found on my knees, asking forgiveness, and especially strength to bear the time it was taking. Often times, I was shown a place in my heart where love, peace, and willingness was growing. As I began to trust these feelings they grow and bloomed into faith, hope and desire to grow towards the light. In the past when I have prayed for the challenge to end, and end how I want it to; I was never blessed with the peace and calming love of being care for as when I pray for forgiveness and strength.
I look forward to getting back into writing everyday. I have had a lot of personal and spiritual experiences of growth and learning this summer that I want to write about the correlation between the experience and how I can apply it to my growth and healing. Check back often, I'm almost ready to start writing everyday again!!!!
Again, as a reminder there is so much in your life that you can use as a teaching tool for me. I would love to hear from you. I want to hear what works for you and what doesn't. I am learning that everyone is more the same than different. We may walk the path of life differently, but we all need the same thing...LOVE