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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My Life Continuing in Peace

My life has developed a strong sense of peace, yet my heart still wages war. I'm really struggling with step 8 forgiveness. I'm stuck! My struggles seem to not to stem from how I was wronged, but how certain people continue to wrong me.

How do I forgive someone that doesn't believe they are wronging me? How do I forgive someone that believes they are the victim of this life, and they have no responsibility in rectifying it? I know this next statement is a victim stance statement, I'm going to continue anyway. I have worked and continually work on overcoming my weaknesses and addictions. I know I have progressed closer to my Savior. The people in my life that continually wrong me, seem to minimize my efforts. Not only do I continuously feel wronged, I also feel mocked in my recovery.

Through my recovery I have learned so much about the Lord's forgiveness, especially in my own sins. I have felt the miracle of the scriptures, and the peace of giving up my sins to know Him. Often I refer to Abilgail's story in 2 Samual. I know I've talked about how she is a type of Christ, that represents Christ asking me to accept His payment for the sins and wrongs of others. Why can I not let go of my anger? How do I connect what I've learned in my mind, and what I've learned in my heart to these people and this anger?

Somehow, in the mist of my anger I am blessed with a peace. The anxiety that made up my life, is almost completely gone. I have a new faith, and trust in my Lord, and Savior Jesus Christ. I know that Jesus Christ will be patient with my growing and resolving my anger. I know that He will sustain me in this trial. I know that Jesus Christ will take away this anger when I have been refined sufficiently for His good. There is another lesson in patients for me here. I know that all things are in the Lord's time, and my anger will one day be offered the opportunity to be silenced and allow peace and love to replace it. Meanwhile, I will continue to work my 12 step program and pray diligently to know where I can be in the service of the Lord. 

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