It is interesting how life can so quickly take over! Lately, I've been feeling the desire to “push” what I mean by “push” is to push things to go my way. I know that extreme statements aren't usually appropriate, in this case they are. Never, have I found a time when I've “pushed” that things have worked out.
I know that if I push my way through this current situation that things won't work out. I guess when I push, it's another way to say that I turn away from the Lord. In this particular situation, if I push not only does that say that I know better than the Lord, but it takes away the free agency of someone very dear to me.
I'm starting to be able to see in myself that when I take over, with the idea that what I think is better for myself and better for my loved ones. That I take away their ability to be blessed by our Heavenly Father as well. Is sounds like to me that my plan is very similar to Satan's original plan. Just imagine that madness in my thinking!
Even in recovery I find it challenging to keep my life, safely in the hands of the Lord. I know that my life is peaceful, comfortable, and calm when I can completely turn my will over to the Father. I wonder why I seem almost instinctively take it back?
This morning I am writing in humility and gratitude that I was blessed to realize when I felt the sense to “push” that it was wrong. I am thankful that I was blessed to know how my “pushing” would have hurt someone that I love. Now I pray for the strength to continue in patience and to watch for bread crumbs on the path as the Lord guides me through this trial.