As I watched the movie, The Sunset Limited, I began to learn more about the 12 step program, the teachings of the Anatomy of Peace, but mostly about my own recovery.
It all began with the line, “I don't have an original thought in my head. If it doesn't have the lingering sent of Divinity to it, I'm not interested in it.” How true that is? What this line did for me, is give me perspective of how I want to strive to live. Later in the movie he said, “Sometimes I go into manual over ride, and I have to catch myself...” As I have come into recovery, and have gained an awareness of my addictions, I tend to beat myself up again and again. These two lines helps me realize that the beating myself up is not the answer, and encourage me to offer myself the tender mercies that I am offered from the Lord.
The movie portrayed deep contrast of right and wrong, based in belief. As I have reflected on my recovery this morning I have looked into my past and compared how much I am like the two men in the movie. I have been in the darkest place like one of the men. It was only by the grace of God, that there was a light in my life that gave me a glimpse of desire to find a way to God.
Good morning Valentine's Day, a day of love, a day of hope, a day to relish in beautiful relationships. I have so many beautiful relationships, first off is my growing relationship with my Savior. The beauty of all my other relationships stem off my faith in my relationship with my Savior.
Jim for example, I've always known how amazing he was, and I know that I'm not deserving of his love. Through coming to know Christ, I've been able to come to know Jim as well. Yes, Jim is amazing, and I am free to love him because even through I'm not deserving of his love the Lord will make up the difference.
I know that Jim and I make a wonderful team, we work together so well. There is no way, I could be successful without him. It is just marvelous that we are different, we think different. Our strengths compliment each other. Funny thing is, I come up with a well thought out plan, that I think is “perfect.” When I unroll my plan to Jim, unfailingly, he will come up with a way to improve my plan and really make it great. When I was deep in my addictions I would become very defensive, and frustrated. I thought he was better than me, and I felt this was a personal attack against me.
Now, that I'm in recovery, I no longer see life this way. When I start to develop a plan, I look to Jim for his ideas, his perspective. To create the “perfect” plan doesn't just depend on me, it depends on my willingness to submit to the Lord's plan and team up with Jim to carry that plan out. We are so good together because the Lord makes up the differences. With that, on this Valentine's Day it makes me love Jim more.