There is so much that has happened to me, these past few days. My mind and soul have been in such a fog. I have had a lot to sort out. Working Step 7 has turned out to not be anything like I thought it would. Step 7, Humble ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings. As I first looked at this step, I thought:
- I'm not worthy to have my shortcomings removed, I haven't done enough work.
- Heavenly Father has removed so many shortcomings from me so far, how could I ask for more. I thought that would be selfish.
- One of my other thoughts was, If the Lord uses shortcomings and hardships as an invitation for us to turn our hearts towards Him. If I asked Him to remove my shortcomings would I really be telling Him, I didn't want to turn my heart towards Him. Right now, I didn't think I could risk not having something to invite me to come unto Christ.
I'd like to talk for a moment what I've learned really learned about asking Heavenly Father to remove my shortcomings. The main thing I think about is the story of Abigal, and how she took on the name of Christ and his reputation. I am taught that she is a “type” of Christ. In that she took the sins of her husband Nabal upon her, and asked. She asked “Forgive this handmade of the trespass.” In a very real way, Christ ask me the same question. When someone sins against me, He steps in and ask me to forgive Him of the trespass. He has already paid the price of the trespass and ask me to accept the price He paid, and forgive Him. It almost seems like the person that sinned against me doesn't exists. It doesn't dissolve them of their responsibility. They are responsible to Christ. I am responsible to accept His payment for their debt.
In this aspect Christ gives me His name, and reputation so that my heart can act and feel in this way. The challenging thing to me, in my mind right now is how to apply this principle to myself. I have been so hard on myself, trying to hold myself to extremely unrealistic expectations. How do I accept that Christ is asking me to forgive Him for my sins and my trespasses? How do I accept that He has already made up the difference? I am responsible to accept His payment for my debt.
When I am able to accept His name and His reputation, this would be in exchange for my shortcomings. What an amazing concept, one in which I can not even come close to comprehending. Where do I begin to have faith in Christ, and believe without comprehending or understanding?