As the holiday season is fast approaching, it leaves me really fighting the depression that has enveloped my life. Some of you know that I have two older daughters and we are sadly estranged. Through the years, I have come to accept that this is what is. I can love my daughters, in spite of the challenges. I can accept that there is a good likelihood that we will never have the mommy/daughter bond that every mom and daughter dream of.
There was a time when I never talked about my daughters or the situation, even to people I was in close relationships with. Now I can freely talk about my lose and about the pain and heartache that it causes me even all these years later.
As I come into the holiday season. I am going to have a heart of gratitude that I am in a place of acceptance and allow love to flow through my life and to my daughters.
I curled up on the couch the other night and took a stroll down memory lane as I went through my daughters scrapbooks. The sense of guilt crept in, maybe it always will. Truth is I am responsible for what I've contributed to the heartaches of myself and my daughters. As I leafed through the pages, I smiled, and wept at the precious memories that these pages hold. I am so thankful that I have these books to keep these memories alive for me. I sense that it would be a special gesture to give these scrapbooks to the girls, since I know that don't read my blog. My plan is to send it to them for Christmas. Hopefully, it will touch their hearts with my love...