It is so easy to either be miserable or to be happy. Through my recovery I have found such an amazing peace in my life. It didn't happen over night, it didn't happen because of any major life changing experience. The process is slow, steedy and requires dedication to returning home to our Savior.
I have been so blessed, especially recently. During the past several weeks have I have been working on step 8, forgiveness I have been freed from some deep emotional issues. I want to talk about them for a bit.
Self-image/Self-worth-As I have been “stuck” in my distorted thinking of blaming others for things that aren't even real, or blown out of perportion my blaming has had a deep effect on my self-image and my self-worth. I feel like people have intentionally wronged me, and that I must not be worth treating any better. Because of this I push people away before they could treat me poorly. Somehow, I developed the belief that I wasn't worth being treated any better, and I would actually sabatauge myself so that people were acutally almost forced to wrong me in one way or another.
Financial- Somehow there has been a generational stigma put on my family that makes it difficult to gain any financial success. Sometimes, we can begin to become financially successful, and it falls apart. I have come to believe that this stigma has been released.
Humility- Again another generational stigma, our family has is that poverty equals humility. This links to the financial stigma, but holds elements of its own.
Much to my surprise, as I have been working on forgiving others that have wronged me, I have learned that most of the time my perceptions of the wrongs against me just simply weren't. As I have released others from my blames, I also found that I felt deep remorse for my wrongs against them. Some of my wrongs include the perceptions I created of their wrongs against me. In this, I am the one asking for forgiveness not trying to figure out how to forgive those who wronged me. SURPRISE!
As I was being zoned this week, I started to feel the stigmas that have been holding me back release through the realization of my misperceptions. I am so surprised that these things are connected. I'm not concerned about the connection, because I know that Lord has a plan and I don't need to understand it, just have faith and graditude in Him.
This week, some wonderful things have happend to me and to my family. I am working on a financial transaction, and against several odds it is going rather smooth. Yeah! I have surprisingly had a substancial increase in clients. This increase is great financially, but more importantly it is the best opportunity I've had to show my gratitude to Christ for Him saving me. Guess what else, I've always wanted to write a book about my recovery, and a perfect book idea came to me a couple of days ago.
Life isn't easy, and that's alright. I feel loved, and secure in my path on my journey in Christ. My weaknesses have been made strong in Him. I will go and do, what He commands me, for I know He has prepared away for me....