What a beutiful sping morning! Things change fast, and if I don't pay attention I miss the changes. Sometimes we all need a little nudge into a new life. Peace, surronds life, especially my life.
It is interesting how my perspective changes what is going on in my life. Sure I can say that things aren't going as fast as I would like them to, BUT. Right now the speed of how things are changing in my life is manageable. I have the ability to step back and breath, pray and make decisions. I recognize how beautilful things are. If things were changing as fast as I'm tempted to push them to be, I know I couldn't manage them becasue of the craziness I attempt to control things. A slower pace, helps me maintain a continual prayer.
Yesterday I had the blessing of working with a dear friend as I zoned her. The sense came that she was hurring, and keeping busy to avoid feeling a painful memory and painful desires. As I talked to her, I recognized that this is a reflection of my life as well. When times have come that I have wanted to be different, because the experience that was there was to painful I have created distractions. A couple of the things I have always said are, “I'm so busy.” “I'm totally overwhelmed.” Honestly, I felt this way. What I didn't recognize is that I was creating these feelings to avoid other feelings. I can't tell you what feelings I way trying to avoid for sure, as I think about it I would suggest the feelings I was trying to avoid was feelings of love, acceptance, and peace.
I'm sure you are thinking, only a crazy person would create feelings of being overwhelmed to avoid feelings of love, acceptance, and peace. You might be right. As I look at it, if I were to allow the feelings of love, acceptance, and peace than the “story” of my life becomes a lie and falls apart. The safety of my “story” was more important than being loved, accepted, and at peace.
Right now, because of my recovery and my journey to know my Savior; coupled with learning forgiveness I can sit here and say that I am loved, accepted, and at peace with my life. I am very thankful at the pace the Lord has set the changes in my life, so that I can stay connected with Him. I can remain calm, and try to hear His voice through the sense of the Holy Ghost. What a beautiful spring morning!