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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

...A Year Later...

It has just been over a year since I've started the LDS addiction recovery program. It has taken this whole year for me to go through the program once. When I first began the program on August 11, 2010, I set a goals and made plans. I thought that I could go through a step a week. I knew that in a short 12 weeks I would be a changed person.

Here I sit a year later and completely and honestly come through the 12 steps for the first time. In all honesty, I go through that steps daily. I have begun to integrate these steps into my life. The 12 step program is leading me towards my Savior, my God.

I know that I am not alone in healing my heart and my soul. I know that I am no longer “broken” That doesn't mean I'm healed, or perfect, it just doesn't mean I'm broken.

Step 1 Honesty- I strive every moment to be honest with myself about how I feel and what I believe. I have begun to honestly speak up for what I need.

Step 2 Hope- I believe that I am begin restored to perfect spiritual health. I have a growing hope and faith that I am continually growing in Christ.

Step 3 Trust in God- I know that I have a lot of weaknesses. Most all the old thinking patterns still hover in secret corners of my heart, and I know that I will be sustained in working through these weaknesses.

Step 4 Truth- I can now see where my original inventory wasn't as truthful as it could have been. It was entirely focused on the negative and the hurt I've caused. I am a good person. I have many things to offer myself and others. Through working through this program and beginning to come to Christ, I can see where I can give who I really am to others.

Step 5 Confession- My sins may not be sever enough to need to confess them to my Bishop. They are sever enough to confess to Christ through repentance, to Jim, and to myself. When I make mistakes, or when I slip into old patterns I need to be honest with myself and work through it.

Step 6 Change of Heart- I have been blessed with a changing heart, and a willingness to change and be changed upon. I don't always go with the flow. I still fight against life, and God's will. My heart is always full of peace, love, and calm, I can't always feel it, but it's there. I just need to be humble enough to allow the changes in my heart that have taken place free flow.

Step 7 Humility- I am a very prideful person...It's that simple. I still try to micro manage life, and still try to impose my will on those around me. I have just become very thankful for forgiveness.

Step 8 Seeking Forgiveness- I make so many mistakes. I have begun to believe that making mistakes is just fine, even expected. It is all in the attitude of how I handle them. Yep, I still tend to beat myself up. I think I need to seek forgiveness more for how I react to my mistakes than the mistake it self...

Step 9 Restitution and Reconciliation- I will spend the rest of my life, paying restitution to those in my life that have been wronged.

Step 10 Daily Accountability- I am especially accountable to myself moment to moment. I hold a strong level of accountability to my God and my family. It is nice to be honest and accountable and still be human. I am weak and fallible, maybe that will help keep me humble.

Step 11 Personal Revelation- Angels don't come down and visit me. I don't hear strong voices guiding me to move mountains. BUT...I am beginning to trust in the promptings that come to my heart. I still don't always follow what I'm prompted to do. I can only wake up each morning, and give this day and all the wonderful people in my life everything I can.

Step 12 Service- I am thankful that I have the opportunity to start living my life, and lovingly give my heart to all those around me. I am thankful for the chance to write this blog, to share in service my “story.” I sincerely hope and pray that you will find some hope and something to uplift your life. I would love for you and everyone to find the peace and serenity that I am finding....

With all my love
May Angels Walk With You

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