I have been able to move past a place where admitting my powerlessness felt like a forecast of doom and dread to a place where admitting my powerlessness is welcomed with a sense of peace, and a feeling of being uplifted.
This morning my daughter came to me and confessed that she had not done a big assignment for English which was due today. Immediately I kicked into my co-dependent mode. Trying to figure out what I could do to get the assignment done. My words on the other hand, were strange as they came out of my mouth...I said things like:
"Tell me about the assignment."
"In what ways do you want my help?"
"Send me the questions."
I could hear my words loud and clear, they were separate from the way I was feeling. Very separate, my insides were scrambling, the clock was ticking, and my nerves were crackling.
Through, the craziness of my emotions, I felt the sense to go to a box of family history and gather a birth certificate. Once I opened the box, plainly there was a gift for me. A copulation of family history stories, just like the ones my daughter needed to do her assignment.
All of a sudden I realized, this was my assignment. My assignment is to know, to really know that I am not alone. That my Heavenly Father loves me, and knows me and my needs. He has prepared a way for me. He has given me the ultimate give of my family before me, that still loves to serve me, just as they did while they were here with me.
My daughter was now ready for school, and we sat together and went through her assignment. We were able to get a decent draft of the assignment together, and I sent her with the stories so she could continue to work on the assignment before it was due at school.
I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father, for His steady hand within my heart. That I could knowingly feel the separation between how He was asking me to feel and act, opposed to the feelings and actions I take within my co-dependent behavior. I am also so very thankful to my family who guided me this morning from their Heavenly Perch, so that I could have this moment of clarity.