Alright, so I know that I haven't written on my blog this week. I wish I could say that the week just got away from me, but that wouldn't be taking my personal responsibility would it...The truth is, I allowed many of my old patterns of behavior to surface and act out. This has been a great learning experience, and I would like to share with you some things that I have learned.
How does family play a role in recovery? How does having a belief in God play a role in recovery? For me it is still really easy to step back in the role of “running my life.” By running my life, I also mean running everyone else's too.
I have recognized that I still think I know what is best for someone else's life, especially people that are in recovery for themselves. It seems like I can see where they can work on their recovery, and I step into my self-righteous box, and just sit back and bark orders. “Work your program....” Where does that leave me? I will tell you right where that leaves me...Right in the middle of NOT working my program.
So I admit that not only have I not posted on my blog this week, I haven't been working my program either. What have I been doing? I have been a busy bee, buzzing around everyone and trying to make things go right? Wrong. I have been a busy bee, buzzing around everyone, but I've had an agenda. I want to make everyone's experience be perfect, sweet, and in harmony. Guess, what as I sit here I realize that no matter what that was an impossible out come.
There was a problem with two of the people involved. Of course, I tried to “mediate” the situation. I wanted to pull them together, and work through this, and bring peace and love to the family. Nothing I seemed to do, calmed anyone down. In fact, I wonder if it just made people angry at me, and wonder if I was taking sides...After I went to bed, I learned they went for a car ride and talked things through.
They didn't need my help, at all. They needed me to back off and allow them their free agency to work through their feelings and come together and talk it through with each other. I have spent this whole week wasting my time, on something that in the end I couldn't control.
What a wonderful experience this was. I guess you could say that I “fell off the wagon” or that I relapsed this week. I would say, that although that might be true, I really learned that the past is the past, and that I am powerless to control my situation, and even more powerless to control others. I would say that I won, I learned a great lesson this week.
Am I alone in this experience or have you had a similar experience in your recovery?