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Monday, August 13, 2012

Very Much Alive

In the action steps of step 1 it says, “…when the pain of the problem becomes worse than the pain of the solution.”  How can I describe the pain of an eating addiction? What are some of my pains of my addiction? I have gained upwards of 50 lbs, I have sever migraines, I have sever fatigue, and I have physical pain throughout my whole body.

All these things take away my ability to spend time with my family, when I do spent time with my family it is challenging to be able to enjoy it. I am finally to a point where the pain of these problems is worse than the pains in the solution.

What are the pains of the solution? I don’t know, and I really don’t care. I am powerless in the pains of my problems and life has become unmanageable. After coming through the addiction recovery program now several times before I am far more willing to turn my will over to the care of my Savior.

It has been eight days since I have eaten any candy. I haven’t been tempted to buy any when I’ve been in the store. I’ve seen it at the checkout, and recognized that I was facing an old pattern; it just didn’t seem to matter. Today, being the eighth day, the desert, Britney, planned for dinner was ice cream. I had a small dish. I savored every bite. When I was finished, I recognized I had enjoyed it very much and I was certainly satisfied. I don’t feel guilty, I actually feel very much alive.

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