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Friday, August 10, 2012

My Need For Isolation

What about the dreaded need to admit that I am addicted to the way the poor food choices make me feel? I eat in isolation so that I can be deeper in my isolation. I eat sugar, no not tablespoons of sugar from the sugar jar, but candy, and lots of it! It no longer matters if I secretly or openly buy and eat large amounts of candy. 

Let me share with you, what constitutes “a lot” in my life. $5.00-$10.00 a day! In money terms, maybe upwards of $300.00 a month doesn’t sound like it would affect a family budget. In what amounts does it mean? Five or more jumbo candy packages, chips, and bakery items daily. An example is; I will buy packages of pastries from the bakery then drive around town and eat the whole package before I go home. Often the local grocer will have a sale on jumbo candy boxes. Of course, I will buy what is on sale, and have it eaten in a day or two. I’m glad the sale last all week. What triggers my eating of all this candy?

How come I classify the amount of sugar I eat a day an addiction? Wikipedia defines; Addiction as, addiction is the continued use of a mood altering substance. Sugar alters my moods in several ways. 

The first way I’m going to talk about is the most significant way to me. I am afraid that if I don’t eat sugar, I will get a headache. You likely sigh, with reading the word headache. Since I’m so prone to headaches and migraines, I fight the myth of them with eating sugar as a preventative measure. Anyone who knows anything about nutrition, health, or simple headaches knows the fallacy of my way of being in this thinking. Sugar is one of the main causes of headaches in women!

Simply what makes my eating such large amounts of sugars each day an addiction to me is the lie I tell myself and others for doing it!!!! I really want you to understand what I am saying here so I’m going to copy/past and repeat what I said, Simply what makes my eating such large amounts of sugars each day an addiction to me is the lie I tell myself and others for doing it!!!!

First, I’ve described that my eating sugar alters my mood, by causing me to lie to myself and to others.

Now, I want to describe how my eating sugar alters my mood by causing a calming and comforting feeling to come over me. One place I eat sugar is in the late evening, lying in bed watching T.V. Funny, thing is that one of my most watched T.V. programs is NBC’s Biggest Loser. How could a sane person watch Biggest Loser, and maintain any level of personal comfort about their lives unless they are feeding their face with junk? I eat sugar, to hide from emotions like guilt. I feel guilty that I didn’t keep up with the completely unrealistic expectations I have for my life and the lives of my family.

What am I learning from this inventory on this path?

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