Things are really different. I am no longer broken, or stuck in my personal hell. In the mist of a great hardship, I have been blessed to recognize, I don't have to feel helpless, or full of anxiety. My body doesn't have to hurt, the swelling in my chest that makes it hard to breath doesn't have to be there.
On Friday, my life to a huge turn, more like a zig zag than a turn. Immediately, I emotionally slipped into a state of anxiety, and physically started to shut down and be over taken with pain. I reached out to loved ones asking for prayers, and recognizing that I am powerless to change what was happening went to my knees as well.
Within the hour, my mind was clear, my heart was comforted, and the physical pain I had come into was gone. First, and far most in this situation is to recognize that the Lord hears and answers prayers. What did I pray for? In my addictions, I used to pray for the Lord to change what hell I was in, but not this time. I prayed for Him to sustain me, in this zig zag that I might be able to utilize the gifts He has blessed me with in this time of need. Sure enough, the love, the peace, the calm in the storm all came. It wasn't just a short time ago, that I didn't have the faith to trust in Him, to know that He would bring this peace. I knew the love and peace where there during the times of peace, but this is the first big trial since I've really been in recovery that I've been able to maintain with Him this love and peace.
I'm not trying to take any of the credit for how I feel in this situation, what I'm trying to say is that I testify that I am being healing. I have entered if only somewhat into “His rest.”
I have a deep and personal love for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know the atonement is real for me personally. I know that He knows and loves me. I know that if He can heal me, that the love and peace that comes from His healing can be for you personally too.