Truly one of the most difficult aspects of my recovery journey was learning to be a friend to myself. There is a quote by Randall Jarrell that says, “If you have been put into your place long enough, you begin to act like the place.” All of my life, from childhood until I came to this program, other people had defined my self-worth and according to them I wasn’t worth much.
It was like I had this tug-of-war going on inside myself. Part of me felt worthless and another part of me was defiant and demanded that I be accepted and treated with respect. Unfortunately the defiant side came out just that way - defiant. Which did not endear me to anyone. Of course that rejection just added to my low self-esteem. Every time I compared myself to someone else I came up short. Every time I made a mistake, regardless of how small, it just confirmed that I was a looser in my own mind. I would beat myself up for the smallest of things. Even for things that weren’t even my fault.
It was through this program and these steps that I learned about self-acceptance. It was through this program and these steps that I began to understand, recognize and acknowledge how the events in my life had molded me to the person that I was at that time. It was through this program and these steps I learned that my past did not have to be my future. I know I harp about the program and these steps but, I am hear to tell you that that broken person above does not exist today because of this program and these steps.