No Trouble Today

Simply put, I know there are no new thoughts in the world. As I live, words and thoughts touch my life profoundly. So today I'm not writing anything personally. I am borrowing today's thought from the book, One Day At A Time. I can only hope that it can impact you as profoundly as it impacts me.

Just for today I will not be afraid of anything.  If my mind is clouded with nameless dreads, I will track them down and expose their unreality.  I will remind myself that God is in charge of me and mine and that I have only to accept His protection and guidance.  What happened yesterday need not trouble me today.

This is a brand new shining day and I have it in my power to make it a good one just by the way I think about it and what I do with it.

If I live just this one day at a time, I will not so readily entertain fears of what might happen tomorrow.  If I am concentrating on today’s activities, there will be no room in my mind for fretting and worrying.  I will fill every minute of this day with something good-seen, heard, accomplished.  Then, when the day is ended, I can look back on it with satisfaction and serenity.

“I recall the words of an old ditty that said: ‘Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.’”

What Inspires Me...

A big milestone in my life is coming up this week; my 41^st birthday. I realize that it is only now that I am beginning to live my passion. It truely is never to late, to live your passion. What is my passion, what is my gift to give? So I started looking around me for something - really anything - that might inspire me.

The cliché' (did I spell that right?) “Housewives, sit around all day in their robe, watching t.v., and eating Bon Bons.” I thought, "Huh, I'd like to be in my robe all day!” Well, maybe not all day, but this freedom certainly intrigued me. So I knew that whatever I ended up doing, I definitely wanted lots of flexibility and freedom.

I admire my friend who is a volunteer EMT in our community. She seems to be on call 24/7...Even though she works hard all day at her job, is a mom, and a wife she still finds time to serve her community. Her generosity and integrity really move me, and add a desire to touch people in some way was ignited.

Another dear friend has such a strong work ethic, and the deepest empathy toward the people she works with. Anyone can clearly see her passion and sincerity towards people. Seeing her joy and passion really made me re-prioritize and put more emphasis on happiness and balance in my life.

My mom had to go through a year of physical therapy after two knee replacements, and her determination and fearlessness was incredibly inspiring. Her desire and motivation to better herself was incredible to see and made me feel like I could do anything I set my mind to.

I am most profoundly inspired by my husband...He is always calm in a crisis. He adjust with the sudden changes in life, especially when they are starkly out of his control. (which most things in life are) I am inspired to trust the flow of life, because of this amazing hubby of mine.

Inspiration is all around me - but I still had not discovered my passion or purpose. I decided to take some time to reflect. I started to dance when the mood strikes, take more pictures (lots more pictures), scrapbook; because I love to preserve memories and I love to create art. Scrapbooking is a perfect passionate combination of two things I love to do.

As for the people in my life who inspired me to follow my heart, my heart is full of love and gratitude for you and your courage to follow your passion.

In the end, I've realized that for me, my purpose in life is not so much about finding that one thing I am meant to do, but rather a constant unfolding journey of growing, appreciating, loving, learning, creating new things... and most importantly, experiencing tons of joy!

As I finish this, I realize that a whole day has gone by, and yes, I’m still in my robe. I should probably change... nah!

Snowflakes

What a marvelous Thanksgiving this has been for me. I've had the blessed chance to read everyone's post on FaceBook all month about the things they are thankful for. I took the opportunity to examine all the things I am thankful for. Sure I could list things like family, friends, warmth, and go on and on in this manner. Instead, I found my focus of gratitude going toward the details in my life. I am so blessed and thankful for the way the breeze sounds as it ruffles the leaves on the quaky trees out in the yard. As I watch the beauty in the uniqueness of each snowflake I can't help but know that I have a blessing as delicate and unique as each of those snowflakes to be thankful for. 

Dare to Dream a Bigger Dream

Daydreams can be deceptive.

When we are in a place of imagination, we see ourselves receiving the best gifts, having the finest things, achieving the highest goals within our capabilities. However, these dreams have edges. When we are imagining where we might be or what we might become, we typically see ourselves achieving only that which our inner eye accepts as possible. The scope of acceptability is built upon the foundation of our experiences. Life has carefully schooled us in what we might become - or so we think.

It is only when we become willing to step beyond the edges of our dreams that we find that God has something more for us. His dream for us has no bounds or limits and, in fact, He is anxious to bring us to a place where we will find that we were given special gifts that He would have us to use.

When we step beyond the edges of our own daydreams, we often find that we were not in the correct dream at all. We may discover that we had been dreaming the dream that someone else had placed in us. We may discover that we chose the wrong dream based on an incorrect understanding of our abilities. We may even discover that we had somehow allowed ourselves to dream a dream that didn't require us to face truths about ourselves.

When I was a tiny girl, I had dreams. But my dreams were small. I couldn't know that I would move out of my small town, work with computers, and interact with people who live around the world. The ability to do these things did not exist when I was a child. It was, therefore, impossible for me to dream the dream I am living.

But God knew what was coming, and He carefully prepared me throughout my life to take up the challenge. He filled me with a strange love of business (and this is a fearful thing for a girl who was raised in the 70s). He took me from one profession to another, where I gained the experience required to manage the challenges I now have. He even provided me with a husband who supports me in every way he can, so that I can do my work, which is unique for someone raised during my generation.

I found myself living as I am when I told God that I was tired of trying to figure out my life myself. I told Him that I was willing to do whatever He wanted me to do. I opened my mind to His answers and then accepted them by immediately acting on thoughts or impressions of what I should do.

These moments of guidance appeared at the most inconvenient times (such as when I was climbing into bed), and often only after I exhausted every known source that I could find on my own. But, when I followed them, I found that His visions for me opened up wider before my eyes. Over time, I learned that it is only when I fall back on my own resources that the edges of the dreams appear, and I begin to feel like I am pushing against a wall. When I fall back on my own resources, I forget to dream at all.

So, dare to dream. Dare to dream a bigger dream than you have for yourself. Dare to see the limitless dream that God has waiting for you.

If Only...

If Only...Control+Z worked in real life.

• Undo that comment I made during the fight I had with my husband.
• Undo that lazy day where I procrastinated too much.
• Undo that moment when I lost control of my anger with my daughter.
• Undo that horrible two-month depression.

But if Control+A worked, would I really be the woman I am today?

Maybe I need Control+G to "clip and change" to the circumstance.

• Learn to think before speaking.
• Discover the joy of getting things done, then being lazy.
• Offer apologies and receive forgiveness from my daughter over my anger.
• Know that God made me perfectly, and that includes my emotions, and He has great plans for me.

If only shortcuts would work in life...

What Kind Of Eggs Do You Like?

As I begin to reflect on the 2011 year, and my progress and growth this year I have a lot to be thankful for. I know that we have talked about this before, but I would like to address it again. One of the biggest attributes of Co-dependency is the last of ones self. I've given so much of myself over my life time that I don't really have a self to reflect on.

One of my favorite movies is...Run Away Bride, not because it starts Julia Roberts and Richard Gear although that doesn't hurt...Anyway, it is because Richard Gear's character asks her “What are your favorite kind of eggs? Julia Roberts character seems to like the same eggs as the fellow that she is in a relationship with. This question begs the character to find her self so that she can stop running...It begs the same soul searching question of me. I have taken this past month and gone a very soul searching journey to find out what kind of eggs I like...seemingly coincidentally I actually don't like eggs. I'm super glad that this is a philosophical question.

I created this scrapbook page in honor of some of the “eggs” I like. This is a very personal journey so this page only reflects some of the deeper “eggs” in my life.

Now I ask you, “What kind of eggs do you like?”

Simply

Change is so hard for me. I believe that every penny saved is a penny earned, so I have started to “clip coupons.” The week I've saved about $90.00 in coupons and ads. Now it isn't extreme couponing, but $90.00 is big money to me and my family.

I committed to a simpler life, and when I did I had no idea what lessons are learned in change and simplicity. I am learning that living simple, is hard work. It takes dedication, and self-motivation to do the leg work that others aren't willing to do, (as of not to long ago neither was I).

I'm learning that it isn't possible to “do it all,” nor is it desirable. I love seeing the beauty in other people's creativity. I have learned a lot from watching other people create and do the things I used to think I needed to do myself. I have learned how narrow minded I am in the way I see things and do things. That narrow mindedness, is rather funny. I have known for a while that I've missed out on a lot in my life, but until recently I just haven't realized just how much.

I sure am blessed to be given this second change at making a new life. I love that I can sit back and simply watch the flowers grow, as I clip the coupons of my new and simple life. 

Thank you to everyone for everything you do to help and teach me....I simply love you.

Your Color

Color - our world is so full of color everywhere we look. There are so many shades of one color that you may get lost in your search for one particular color or another. It’s amazing to me to look out at a beautiful fall day and see all the colors of the leaves and how they change even throughout the season of fall. As I sat at my table looking at a very bright green Tupperware® cup with a matching lid and straw, I was overcome with my appreciation of color.

The world didn't have to be in color. God could have given us a world with just shades of gray and black. We would never have known the difference, but He chose the vibrant and soft colors to display His creation.

Our God designed it this way, and He chose to give us color as a gift. He chose the spectrum and made it something for us to enjoy. We could have been born color blind as I know some people are. But apart from the medical condition, color blindness has two meanings to me.

The first meaning of color blindness is that we don't see the difference in skin or nationality in the people of this earth. We just view them all as God's creation and a beautiful array of culture and diversity. This is the only kind of color blindness that I choose to have - to accept others as God made them.

Secondly, the worse kind of color blindness is when we miss the beauty of the people around us. I have two daughters who are like night and day. The oldest, I would say, is soft pink, and the younger is bright red. The soft pink is sweet and gentle and often needs loving affirmation in her creativity. She is a tender rosebud with much beauty to unfold, but I sometimes miss this because of the bright, flaming red of my younger daughter. Granted, she can be tender, too, but she is more fire and ice than the tender rosebud. The younger one is straightforward and loud whereas her older sister is more meek and quiet.

I have realized that I could let myself be color blind and miss the array of colors that people everywhere have to offer. Some may be gold or rust-colored because of the richness of their lives and the things they have been through in life. Others may be hot pink or orange because they possess a fire and zest for life that keeps others inspired around them. Then there are those blues and greens that are calm, cool, and collected throughout life, no matter the circumstances.

Yes, there are blends of color, too, and some may be a mixture of more than one shade of color, but their most noticeable color stands out among the others. I am still learning how to let my color shine because I often get intimidated by all those bright and shining colors out there. I have my bright shades, but I am a softer color like my oldest daughter, and we have to work a little harder to get our color out there.

Each one has their own unique color to offer the world. We have a spectrum of color, even in people. You are the only one who can display your shade of color, so go out and spread your color on the canvas of the world, and let the ones around you know how much they mean to you by letting them spread their color next to yours.

Learning how to spread my color,
May Angels Walk With You--

My Family

I just want to take a moment and tell you how thankful I am for my family. 

Here are the pictures I just created to hang in the wall. I've always disliked the boring "school pictures" so this year I decided to make my own, for my picture wall. One of my motto's is, if I am going to complain about something, I have to find a way to change it. If I can't change it, I get to stop complaining. 

Enough chatter, this is my wonderful family. I am so thankful to be apart of something so much bigger than myself. It is a great feeling to have all these awesome people around me all the time.

I love you guys!

Honor

Today, I want all of us to pause and honor with our love and gratitude those who serve in the armed forces. I find it challenging even to imagine what silent Hell, the soldiers and their loved ones here at home go through on a daily basis.

We have all seen pictures of soldiers fighting for our liberties, and pictures of joyous homecomings. It has been said that I picture is worth a 1,000 words. How many words are not spoken as the tears stream down cheeks in the middle of the night, over pain we civilians will never understand.

Gratitude fills my heart for the freedoms I enjoy, because of the men and women in the armed forces, and their loved ones left behind. I have the freedoms to worship my Jesus in the manner that uplifts me. I know that I have spent many years taking that for granted. Not anymore. I have found that I can and will strive everyday to turn my life toward my Jesus, and His personal sacrifice for me. 

Acceptance

As the holiday season is fast approaching, it leaves me really fighting the depression that has enveloped my life. Some of you know that I have two older daughters and we are sadly estranged. Through the years, I have come to accept that this is what is. I can love my daughters, in spite of the challenges. I can accept that there is a good likelihood that we will never have the mommy/daughter bond that every mom and daughter dream of.

There was a time when I never talked about my daughters or the situation, even to people I was in close relationships with. Now I can freely talk about my lose and about the pain and heartache that it causes me even all these years later.

As I come into the holiday season. I am going to have a heart of gratitude that I am in a place of acceptance and allow love to flow through my life and to my daughters.

I curled up on the couch the other night and took a stroll down memory lane as I went through my daughters scrapbooks. The sense of guilt crept in, maybe it always will. Truth is I am responsible for what I've contributed to the heartaches of myself and my daughters. As I leafed through the pages, I smiled, and wept at the precious memories that these pages hold. I am so thankful that I have these books to keep these memories alive for me. I sense that it would be a special gesture to give these scrapbooks to the girls, since I know that don't read my blog. My plan is to send it to them for Christmas. Hopefully, it will touch their hearts with my love...

Letting Go---Letting God

It is so easy to slip away from what keeps me strong. It is so easy for me to just drift along. Today I also found out that it is so easy to help someone in need. A friend asked me for some advise, and I just freely talked about what kinds of things that have helped my life. It was good to hear my own advise. It reminded me that I need to be more committed to my recovery.

For this past year, I have been so off physically. The fatigue, headaches, and depression can be so overwhelming that I slip into this place of nothingness. To gather the motivation to take one more step forward can seem so far away, and unachievable. I know that usually it is easier to put on the “happy” mask, and go masquerading around as if nothing is wrong. It is all a lie, a lie to myself, and to all those around me.

I have a friend that posted on my Facebook the other day that she has a friend that lives just a block away and never sees her...I love this friend of mine so much. I feel even sadder that I can't give anything to our friendship especially after all she has done to take care of my daughter (especially when I can't).

If I'm being honest I have to tell you that things are really out of my control, especially my physical health. As you all know I grew up with my mother teaching me to live holisticly, and I have continued to live and learn various natural ways to live and to treat aliments. In the spirit of letting go and letting God, I am turning to the medical profession to seek out help for my physical aliments that I can't find relief from holisticly. So far, I've only been able to achieve minimal relief. I'm learning that it took many years for me to get this bad, it is going to take time to heal. My body has developed some poor habits that need to be reprogrammed. This morning I read this phrase, “If you have faith, then you must have faith in Gods time.”

Here I am fighting off the urge to slip into my place of nothingness, and take one more step forward in my healing journey spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically...Thanks for following my blog, it really makes me feel so supported. Please consider helping my blog site, by visiting my sponsor ads while you are here.  

Justifications...

One of my most favorite authors, C.S. Lewis wrote what I'm going to use as today's post. He describes so well, how I find myself justifying my behavior. 

“We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are.  This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case.  When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed.  And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation [against me] was so sudden and unexpected: I was caught off my guard; I had not time to collect myself.  Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts; they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated.  On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is?  Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth?”

“If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly.  But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding.  In the same way the suddenness of the provocation [against me] does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am....And if (as I said before)what we are matters even more than what we do-if, indeed, what we do matters chiefly as evidence of what we are-then it follows that the change which I most need to undergo is a change that my own direct, voluntary efforts cannot bring about....I cannot, by direct, moral effort, give myself new motives.  After the first few steps in the Christian life we realize that everything which really needs to be done in our souls can be done only by God” C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity, 164-165).