So much has
happened this summer, and in my recovery. As you all know, I
contracted with the IJRA to take the photos of all the kids. As you
also know, I have felt very overwhelmed. There is so much changing in
my life, personally, financially, and family that these things have
added to my feelings of overwhelmed.
I'm not here to
tell you how overwhelmed I have felt. I am here to talk to you about
how peaceful life has become. First, I had felt very dependent on “my
daily routine.” My daily routine, waking up at 4:30 AM and involved
prayer, meditation, study, and of course my 12 step program. The rest
of the day was a dedication to letting go of my control, and trusting
that God had a greater plan for me.
This summer sadly
“My daily routine” has gone by the way side. I often wonder if I
will fall and all the old patterns would come crashing back in. I
know there is something critically important for me, to have that
spiritual foundation on a daily basis in my life. I feel bad that I
haven't had my daily routine this summer. I look forward to the fall
when life slows down and I can have my daily routine back.
For now, I want to
express my gratitude to my Savior for compensating for all my
weaknesses, for sustaining me in the times I begin to feel
overwhelmed, and for building my faith in Him to know that He will
compensate for my weaknesses and sustain me in the times I can't
stand on my own. (which is most all the time).
This summer has
taught me, I don't need “My daily routine” as a crutch to get
through the day. I am NOT broken anymore! I may not be broken
anymore, and I'm certainly not perfect. I am someone just like you. I
am someone that is worth saving, healing, and loving. I am someone,
that welcomes challenges with the faith that Christ will be there to
catch me when I fall. When I start to feel overwhelmed, anxiety, or
fear I know that it is alright and natural to feel this way. It is my
responsibility to turn to Him that saves for the way to get through
this. The sweetness, of His atoning love and peace fills my heart and
I know there will be a way through this. Although, I haven't had my
daily routine, I have learned so much about my Savior. I have seen
His teaching at work in my daily life.
There was an
experience this summer that I wanted to come to a conclusion. I
really wanted it to come to the conclusion that I wanted as
well...(Surprise!) Obviously, it wasn't in my best interest to have
this experience conclude and with the result I want, when I was
wishing it would. Time and time again I could be found on my knees,
asking forgiveness, and especially strength to bear the time it was
taking. Often times, I was shown a place in my heart where love,
peace, and willingness was growing. As I began to trust these
feelings they grow and bloomed into faith, hope and desire to grow
towards the light. In the past when I have prayed for the challenge
to end, and end how I want it to; I was never blessed with the peace
and calming love of being care for as when I pray for forgiveness and
strength.
I look forward to
getting back into writing everyday. I have had a lot of personal and
spiritual experiences of growth and learning this summer that I want
to write about the correlation between the experience and how I can
apply it to my growth and healing. Check back often, I'm almost ready
to start writing everyday again!!!!
Again, as a
reminder there is so much in your life that you can use as a teaching
tool for me. I would love to hear from you. I want to hear what works
for you and what doesn't. I am learning that everyone is more the
same than different. We may walk the path of life differently, but we
all need the same thing...LOVE
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