Be Prepared....

I know that I have focused this blog on not being preachy, but just telling you what works for me. In this moment an undeniable sense of being preachy has come into my heart, so here it goes. Hang on, this might get bumpy, just know that I love you and I believe what I am saying.

"Keep your mind on the hereafter, or you will forget what you are hereafter." unknown.

It is so easy to get sucked into the day to day craziness. It is almost somewhat natural to think, feel, or believe that if we can keep up with the craziness that we are successful. 

Please know that no matter how caught up in this craziness of life, your heart can and will talk to you. If you are willing to slow down sometimes, you will need to slow down to a crawl you will be able to hear your heart invite you to do the right thing. 

I promise you the truth is in your heart and will never lead you down the wrong path. What a wonderful blessing it is to have the loving desire to help people in our lives. I am here to tell you that the way most of us have been taught to help others is WRONG! We are a culture of people that enable others, and expect to be enabled ourselves. 

I have learned through my codependent recovery that my truth is always in my heart. It always has been although, I have silenced it for the trade off of helping others in ways that actually harm them. Why do I act this way? Why do you? I found for me I act this way, in order to get people to love me, notice me, appreciate me...Selfish uh? 

I have learned through the wonderful friends, who are angels, in my life sent by my loving Heavenly Father to sustain me in my hardships and to teach me how to love, through being less selfish. Wow, what a wonderful way for the Lord to teach me. These friends are all really my brothers and sisters in Christ. I have a beautiful family, that I love to serve and I love how they serve me in my needs.   

Hi Everyone

Life has really changed this past month. I have grown so much. Some of you know that I am contracted with the IJRA to take all the photo's for this season. Which has turned into a huge undertaking. All I can say is WOW.

Funny thing is I feel different. I am not the same person I was. Sure I still feel like I need to do a near perfect job, but not because I have an inferiority complex, but instead I want to be able to produce wonderful photo memories for the families I am serving. It is a new feeling, and such a wonderful feeling. I love the idea of being able to make great photos for these families so that they have a way to keep the memories they are out there making!

I am so grateful to all my wonderful friends, that have been such a special and powerful support to me. I am learning what a true friend is, and I have been blessed with several of them to be in my life right now. When I need something done, there is someone willing to do it. When I need to vent there is someone willing to listen. When I need some marketing ideas there is someone to brainstorm with. Even though this photo shoot is something of my choice, it is still a challenge and in someways comes at a trying time in life.  I am beginning to believe that through these friends Heavenly Father is sustaining me in this challenging time. All things are possible through faith in Christ. 

Angels Among Us

I was called by one of my favorite angels this evening. She says to me, “I have an idea for what the future holds, and it looks good. Just don't worry...because things are looking good.”

As I continued to talk to her, it was obvious that she was being respectful, and that she was at peace. Previously to the conversation I had come to a peaceful place with the zig zag in my life, and she was a second witness to the hand of the Lord.

We are being taken care of. This experience has shown me, just how limited my human sight is. It takes a loving Father in Heaven to not only take care of my needs but the needs of everyone else involved in this transaction. What a beautiful song He orchestrates in life.

This evening my prayers include a prayer of gratitude for my angel, and the song she sings...I love you my friend.

Life's Zig Zags

Things are really different. I am no longer broken, or stuck in my personal hell. In the mist of a great hardship, I have been blessed to recognize, I don't have to feel helpless, or full of anxiety. My body doesn't have to hurt, the swelling in my chest that makes it hard to breath doesn't have to be there.

On Friday, my life to a huge turn, more like a zig zag than a turn. Immediately, I emotionally slipped into a state of anxiety, and physically started to shut down and be over taken with pain. I reached out to loved ones asking for prayers, and recognizing that I am powerless to change what was happening went to my knees as well.

Within the hour, my mind was clear, my heart was comforted, and the physical pain I had come into was gone. First, and far most in this situation is to recognize that the Lord hears and answers prayers. What did I pray for? In my addictions, I used to pray for the Lord to change what hell I was in, but not this time. I prayed for Him to sustain me, in this zig zag that I might be able to utilize the gifts He has blessed me with in this time of need. Sure enough, the love, the peace, the calm in the storm all came. It wasn't just a short time ago, that I didn't have the faith to trust in Him, to know that He would bring this peace. I knew the love and peace where there during the times of peace, but this is the first big trial since I've really been in recovery that I've been able to maintain with Him this love and peace.

I'm not trying to take any of the credit for how I feel in this situation, what I'm trying to say is that I testify that I am being healing. I have entered if only somewhat into “His rest.”

I have a deep and personal love for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know the atonement is real for me personally. I know that He knows and loves me. I know that if He can heal me, that the love and peace that comes from His healing can be for you personally too.

Be A Weed

Trials Come

WOW, it seems like when trials come, they seem like it rains cats and dogs...LOL. My only post today is to ask you to please pray for me and my family. Pray, that I can stay strong, and that peace will be in my heart. My goal is to have enough faith to allow this to progress that way the Lord wishes and know that it will only make me stronger and closer to Him.

Angels

It is so amazing and so special that the Lord sends angels to us in our times of need. I know that over the past couple weeks, I've never felt stronger than in my whole life.

I know that I've been under an enormous amount of stress. Stresses that seem to always involve other people, and their choices or their time lines. I've been blessed with the angel of peace to accompany me. Even though things have just gone on, I know the flow has been perfect.

Although, I don't rush into old thinking patterns any more, I still flirt with them. As tempting as they are...Sometimes, I don't know what my alternatives are. I have been blessed with the angel of time. I've always had enough time, to stop and pause and of course pray before I make a decision. As I laugh in retrospect, sometimes my decision is an old thinking pattern. I just have to see if they still work, and nope they don't work any better than they originally did. I just can see that now.

I have been blessed with many other angels in my life...I could go on and tell you about the angel of compassion, and the angel of accountability, but I will leave it up to you to search out the angels in your life. For now may the angel of love walk with you.

A Great Day!

My 14 year old, daughter, and I had such a great day today. We bound quilts, or at least we tried. We sewed, unpicked, broke needles, and made a mess of the bobbin tread...and we laughed!

I have a choice right now, it is the same choice I've had all day. How am I going to direct me way of being? We had three quilts to bind, and it should have been a snap. Everything that could go crazy did. I think all in all we broke 5 needles. Nope there is likely nothing wrong with the sewing machine. We just have no idea what we are doing, so it was trial and error.

As we unpicked the same sections over and over, we joked, told stories, and laughed. Somehow, when we were joking I said something like ..."I tried, but I suck." and it stuck. It became a little joke. My daughter took sewing in 4-H last year, and she joked to me...I was going to give you a blue ribbon, I really wanted too...I think I will have to give you a "participation" ribbon.

In the mist of what could have been a horrible bad day, it is one that is full of participation ribbons and most of all memories. In my recovery, I have found I love making memories with my kids. Being a part of their life, and most of all being "present" is amazing.

I have missed out on a lot of my kids life, and especially on my life. Not any more. I'm here, let's make some memories....