A Disciple’s Journey

This is just to good not to repost....

A Disciple’s Journey

BRUCE C. HAFEN

BYU Devotional Address, 5 February 2008

Describing a disciple’s journey from darkness into light, the Lord told the early Saints: “And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you.”35 Having an eye single to God is then just one condition we must meet before the Atonement can bless us with the attributes of divinity. As Moroni said, “Touch not the evil gift, nor the unclean thing . . . and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; . . .then are ye sanctified.”36

I heard President Hinckley once say that prosperity leads to indulgence, and indulgence leads to sin. Indulgence means gratifying our vain desires in the proud belief that we deserve to have it all, so we keep one hand on the wall of the temple and one foot on the dance floor at Club Babylon.

Many people feel they have a right to indulge themselves: eating too much, spending too much, and reveling in creature comforts. But, as one friend said, if you don’t get out of your comfort zone, you won’t learn. And if you don’t learn, you won’t grow. And without growth, you won’t find joy.

Today’s flood of pornography (addictions) usually results from overindulgence. But note this irony. Alma told his son, “Bridle all your passions.” Why? So “that ye may be filled with love.”37 Pornography and addictions can destroy marriages, shattering the true romantic dream of eternal love.

Imagine that! Fake love can destroy real love. What a cheap and dirty trick! And worse, yielding to porn and addictions is a classic example of touching the unclean thing, of refusing to deny oneself of ungodliness. This double-mindedness has consequences: We cannot then be perfected in Christ—not because He lacks the power but because we just lack the discipline. Thank heaven repentance can restore discipline.

What is the Purpose of Life?

Rick Warren ,  'Purpose Driven Life '

"People ask me, What is the purpose of life?  And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.  I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.  We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.  Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.  We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness. This past year has been the greatest year of my life; but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.  
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.  Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.  No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.  And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.  You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:  If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.  We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.  You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. 

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes for my life?  When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know you more and love you better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings." 

Become Clean

I read this early this morning and loved it. I don't know the author, but it is simple and says it with power... Because of Jesus Christ, "there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness." You can change and become clean:

Peace

My soul searches for feelings, familiar feelings. Within the absence of fear and anxiety, there is a new fear, a searching fear wondering where did the old familiar fear go? There is safety in that ugly fear.

Off in the distance, there is a peace. The kind of peace that sits softly in the shadows waiting for the clouds of doubt to disburse. A vague sense of familiarity hangs over this new found peace, definitely not familiar enough to let in, not just yet.

An uneasy conflict creeps out of the darkness, and raises its sword. A hush rolls over the ground; victory starts to swell in the heart of the fear as it knows it will conquer again. Foot soldiers come into view, doubt, questioning, reasoning, and overthinking stand waiting weapons drawn, searching for a crack in my armor.  

Knowing all has been done, powerless, standing faithfully waiting command as peace softly and slowly wraps its self protectively around my soul.

The conflict still rages, the soldiers still searching for a way in. Prayers go up, that I might be justified, and sanctified.

Are You Codependent?

In reaction to negative  circumstances, we have learned to endure life rather than to live it. We have developed personality characteristics which act as coping mechanisms. These mechanisms, while at one time protective, prove to be detrimental to forming healthy relationships. Some of these characteristics are:

1. We assume responsibility for other’s feelings and/or choices.
2. We have difficulty identifying our own feelings: happiness, pain, anger, joy, sadness, loneliness, etc.
3. We have difficulty expressing our feelings in healthy ways.
4. We tend to fear that our feelings or needs will be belittled or rejected by others.
5. We tend to minimize, alter or even deny the truth about our feeling or needs.
6. We tend to put other’s feelings and needs ahead of our own, not allowing there to be a healthy balance with our feelings and needs.
7. Our fear of other’s feelings (especially anger) determines what we say and do.
8. Our serenity and attention is determined by how others are feeling or by what they’re doing.
9. We do not realize that feelings are not good or bad, that they just are.
10. We question or ignore our own conscience, our own values, in order to connect with significant others—trusting and obeying their feelings or opinions more than our own.
11. Other people’s actions or desires tend to determine how we respond or react.
12. Our sense of self-worth is based on other/outer influences instead of on our personal witness of God’s love and esteem for us.
13. We have difficulty making decisions and are frightened of being wrong or making a mistake.
14. We are perfectionistic and place too many expectations on ourselves and others.
15. We are not comfortable acknowledging good things about ourselves and tend to judge everything we do, think, or say as not being good enough.
16. We do not know that it is okay to be vulnerable and find it difficult, almost impossible, to ask for help.
17. We do not see that it is okay to talk about problems outside the family, thus we leave ourselves and our families stranded in the troubles they are experiencing.
18. We are steadfastly loyal—even when that loyalty is unjustified and often personally harmful to us.
19. We have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others.

Overcoming codependency follows the same path as overcoming any other addiction or life trauma—developing a one-on-one relationship with Jesus Christ.

Excerpted from the pamphlet, “Speaking Heart t’ Heart on Codependency.” Used with permission from Heart t’ Heart.

Prayer and Guidance

In ARP we are often reminded that what we pray for may not be what is best for us.  We are able to see only a little way, and our vision is clouded by our present situation and daily happenings and distractions.

If the problems I have to face seem beyond my endurance,  I will not explain them to God; He already knows.  I will not tell Him what I expect Him to do about my difficulties; He knows what is best for me.

When I am faced with something which it is beyond my power to perform, to decide, or to cope with, I will not struggle with it by myself.  I will ask Him to show me what steps to take.  This is prayer; not to ASK FOR anything but GUIDANCE.

“All true prayer somehow confesses our absolute dependence on God. It is a vital contact with Him.  It is when we pray truly that we really are.  From our prayers we receive light to apply…to our own problems and difficulties.”  (Thomas Merton: No Man is an island)

“God dwells wherever man lets Him in.”  (Martin Buber)

Let Go...

LET GO. . .

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies

To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept and move forward.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To “let go” is to not regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and to love more and Trust God more.

(Author Unknown)

Natural Man

I have eaten some Bit O Honey Candies… Maybe a whole bunch of them. Yep, I wrote them in my food journal. It isn’t a matter that I ate them it is more a matter that I recognize that empty feelings that I felt that was the driving factor to eat them. I’m not sure how to describe empty.

I guess it’s the feeling I feel right before either one of two things happens…The first thing is easy to figure out, it is when I give into the urge to do whatever my addiction is. The other one is a bit more complicated it is being humble enough to admit I’m powerless over the addiction and allow Jesus Christ to carry me though the emptiness.

The stronger my desire to have faith in Jesus Christ is, the stronger my faith becomes. My faith doesn’t become stronger in just having desire; Christ grants me opportunities to travel through periods of emptiness on my journey so that I can learn that I am powerless. Who would have ever imagined that (at least for me) Bit O Honey candy could point towards Christ?

The natural man or the natural woman will not go away quietly or easily. Hence, the most grinding form of calisthenics we will ever know involves the individual isometrics required to put off the natural man. Time and again the new self is pitted against the stubborn old self. Sometimes, at least it's so with me, just when at last we think the job is done, and then the old self reminds us that he or she has not fully departed yet.

A vital, personal question for each of us, therefore, is, "Are we steadily becoming what gospel doctrines are designed to help us become?"

"Called to Serve" NEAL A. MAXWELL Brigham Young University on 27 March 1994

Very Much Alive

In the action steps of step 1 it says, “…when the pain of the problem becomes worse than the pain of the solution.”  How can I describe the pain of an eating addiction? What are some of my pains of my addiction? I have gained upwards of 50 lbs, I have sever migraines, I have sever fatigue, and I have physical pain throughout my whole body.

All these things take away my ability to spend time with my family, when I do spent time with my family it is challenging to be able to enjoy it. I am finally to a point where the pain of these problems is worse than the pains in the solution.

What are the pains of the solution? I don’t know, and I really don’t care. I am powerless in the pains of my problems and life has become unmanageable. After coming through the addiction recovery program now several times before I am far more willing to turn my will over to the care of my Savior.

It has been eight days since I have eaten any candy. I haven’t been tempted to buy any when I’ve been in the store. I’ve seen it at the checkout, and recognized that I was facing an old pattern; it just didn’t seem to matter. Today, being the eighth day, the desert, Britney, planned for dinner was ice cream. I had a small dish. I savored every bite. When I was finished, I recognized I had enjoyed it very much and I was certainly satisfied. I don’t feel guilty, I actually feel very much alive.

My Need For Isolation

What about the dreaded need to admit that I am addicted to the way the poor food choices make me feel? I eat in isolation so that I can be deeper in my isolation. I eat sugar, no not tablespoons of sugar from the sugar jar, but candy, and lots of it! It no longer matters if I secretly or openly buy and eat large amounts of candy. 

Let me share with you, what constitutes “a lot” in my life. $5.00-$10.00 a day! In money terms, maybe upwards of $300.00 a month doesn’t sound like it would affect a family budget. In what amounts does it mean? Five or more jumbo candy packages, chips, and bakery items daily. An example is; I will buy packages of pastries from the bakery then drive around town and eat the whole package before I go home. Often the local grocer will have a sale on jumbo candy boxes. Of course, I will buy what is on sale, and have it eaten in a day or two. I’m glad the sale last all week. What triggers my eating of all this candy?

How come I classify the amount of sugar I eat a day an addiction? Wikipedia defines; Addiction as, addiction is the continued use of a mood altering substance. Sugar alters my moods in several ways. 

The first way I’m going to talk about is the most significant way to me. I am afraid that if I don’t eat sugar, I will get a headache. You likely sigh, with reading the word headache. Since I’m so prone to headaches and migraines, I fight the myth of them with eating sugar as a preventative measure. Anyone who knows anything about nutrition, health, or simple headaches knows the fallacy of my way of being in this thinking. Sugar is one of the main causes of headaches in women!

Simply what makes my eating such large amounts of sugars each day an addiction to me is the lie I tell myself and others for doing it!!!! I really want you to understand what I am saying here so I’m going to copy/past and repeat what I said, Simply what makes my eating such large amounts of sugars each day an addiction to me is the lie I tell myself and others for doing it!!!!

First, I’ve described that my eating sugar alters my mood, by causing me to lie to myself and to others.

Now, I want to describe how my eating sugar alters my mood by causing a calming and comforting feeling to come over me. One place I eat sugar is in the late evening, lying in bed watching T.V. Funny, thing is that one of my most watched T.V. programs is NBC’s Biggest Loser. How could a sane person watch Biggest Loser, and maintain any level of personal comfort about their lives unless they are feeding their face with junk? I eat sugar, to hide from emotions like guilt. I feel guilty that I didn’t keep up with the completely unrealistic expectations I have for my life and the lives of my family.

What am I learning from this inventory on this path?

What is FAT?

I have battled the emotions of "sugar" addiction like they are the flaxen cords of Satan's web. I have an endless list of excuses, making it alright to eat. I’ve said, “Oh, just one won’t hurt.” “No one will know.” “It’s not that bad.” “I have to eat this. I don’t want to hurt the hostess’s feelings.” “I haven’t gained any real noticeable weight.” “I have what I’m eating and my weight under control.” “Eating this doesn't hurt anyone, but me.”

Like many people, I eat when I’m sad, when I’m happy, or to celebrate with family and friends. I’ve eaten to cover up feelings. Moreover, I’ve NOT eaten to hide from feelings.

Now, I have to lose 50 pounds! I defiantly desire to lose 50 pounds. I guess the bigger question is what is within the 50 pounds that is really important I lose? One of the answers is pretty obvious, FAT being the most obvious. What are some of the things within the 50 pounds that are less obvious and possibly more important?

Pride comes first to my mind. Pride that I somehow think myself not good enough, to take even reasonable care of myself especially in respect to how I perceive myself caring for others. This is certainly a way of digging myself deeper into isolation. I can think of several people I’ve avoided seeing over the past few months.

Fear also comes to my mind. Fear that I am not worth loving, so it is possible to drive off those suborn people that haven’t left me yet. Fear that I can’t lose the weight. I’ve never been faced with losing 50 pounds, and to me it seems like a huge feat; especially, considering that within the past two years I’ve tried losing less weight and it continued to cling to me, and to multiply in a freakish fast and harsh way. What if the weight has a fear of letting go of me? Is that possible?

Forgiveness comes to my mind, in an overwhelming way. How can forgiveness have anything to do with the sugar I eat? In my heart, as the tears swell in my eyes forgiveness is what the pride and the fear are trying to hide and isolate me from. Forgiveness is what will release and free me from not just the 50 pounds, but from the much heavier emotions that the fat is covering up.

Guided to Paths of Opportunity

It was only 10 years ago, when I began to realize that my “story” was starting to crash in on me. I am so thankful for the angels in my life, which walked with me and helped me gain a glimpse of my current reality and the possibility of a new life, a new heart. I am even more thankful for the times in which I was left in the darkness of my own hell where I couldn’t perceive angels or God with me.  

It was in these times that I recognized my need for change. I only knew the life I was living. I was blinded to the fact I was hurting myself, and others around me. I didn’t know love. I didn’t know the hell I was in. I was numb, I was asleep, I probably still am.

Through this healing journey, I have been guided to paths where I have to face demons. None of these demons, could I conquer on my own.  Nevertheless, I am guided to face them only when I have been sufficiently prepared to battle them; and allow Heavenly Father to defeat them. I feel drawn to a path, which I have avoided for some time. I have used several excuses which you will read tomorrow to avoid taking this path. The next two entries are the beginning of a battle that I know I cannot conquer on my own, I am powerless to overcome. I know I will need huge amounts of love from Christ to even sustain me, through facing my demon.

For anyone reading my blog, you will know that I look at my co-dependency as a form of addiction. I take a look at addiction in a way that works for me personally. My addiction is like the dreaded “pyramid scheme.” We’ve all been approached by someone selling the idea of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, they say, “we’ll all be rich….” They recruit us, and then sit at the top of the pyramid and reap the benefits of our hard work. For me, co-dependency sits at the top of the pyramid and reaps the good fortune of all the sub-addictions working hard below it. One of my sub-addiction is “sugar,” it enslaves me, and thus it feeds great benefits to the co-dependency addiction at the top of the pyramid. Actually, this is the only pyramid scheme that I’ve ever seen work, and reap great benefits. The problem is although co-dependency is reaping a great benefit, I reap more pain and become enslaved deeper in the cycle of addiction.

As I stand here staring into the eyes of the “sugar” beast that has haunted me emotionally, long before the physical evidence was apparent. I don’t even know what the Lord is asking me to do. I don’t know if I’m standing here paralyzed in fear, or if I’m supposed to silently stand here to take in the fierceness of the beast.

Deep Appreciation

President Spencer W. Kimbell, the twelfth President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, said, “We know that women who have a deep appreciation for the past will be concerned about shaping a righteous future.” This understanding can help us find inspiration from the past and feel peace as we face the future.

As I consider the implications of this concept, it occurs to me that if I am willing to forgive myself for my past actions, past emotions, and past perceptions that it would be easier to face the future with peace. In fact, these statements allow me a whole new perception of my past. I now can consider my past as an experience, and a learning example that offers me two ways of shaping my future.

I can either choose to shape my future in a manner where I recognize the darkness and the light that is in my past, and use those experiences as a way to point me towards Christ, or I can choose to shape my future in a manner where I recognize the darkness alone and shape my future as a victim and simply conform to a future of victimhood, and allow the darkness to direct who I become.

We all have this choice, we all have this freedom, and we all have the blessing of consequence to spark our free agency to shape a path that we can journey home towards our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Consequences

“Alma’s son Corianton thought it unfair that penalties must follow sin, that there need be punishment. In a profound lesson, Alma taught the plan of redemption to his son and so to us. Alma spoke of the Atonement and said, “Now, repentance could not come unto men except there were a punishment” (Alma 42:16).

If punishment is the price repentance asks, it comes at bargain price. Consequences, even painful ones, protect us. So simple a thing as a child’s cry of pain when his finger touches fire can teach us that. Except for the pain, the child might be consumed. “ Boyd K. Packer, “Who Is Jesus Christ?,” Ensign, Mar 2008, 12–19

The pains and learning from consequences will, if I choose to benefit from them, turn me from repeating the bad behavior.  (See Alma the younger in Alma 36.) The “allowance” that God makes for me is allowing me to experience the consequence, and then He with all the compassion that He is capable of, allows the consequences to run their course and while they do, as I repent, He gives me the Holy Ghost to help me endure them. Yes He takes us upon His shoulders, but He lets the consequences of sin work its blessing.

It is exactly as Joseph Smith says in the last paragraph; we cannot tell others what they should do. We must wait with all long-suffering (sometimes because we are asked by God to be a catalyst in that suffering), till God shall bring such characters to justice.  There should be no license for sin. We are not to give any, in our homes or in our community, nor in any portions of government.  Love is given, but trust is earned and when it is earned, and God deems it earned (and He tells me it is earned), I must extend the same mercy he extends. But I cannot, must not interfere with His plan for any of His children. My role is to obtain His perspective, and play the role that He wants me to play even if it painfully means letting go of the person(s) that are or are not working out their salvation.

Going To War

I’ve been thinking about how many times a day, I go to war. My children act up and I fly off the handle and yell. Traffic on the way to the store, and someone cuts me off, I continue on my way.  At the store my debt card is declined, completely embarrassed I smile and hand the cashier my credit card.

These are all times when I go to war. Most of the time during the day I may appear as a kind, sympathetic, and compassionate; appearances are deceiving.  Inside, I am raging against all the injustices during the day. At the end of the day feeling stressed, I climb into bed. I just need some down time, sometime to just unwind from the hectic and stressful day, my husband sensing my discomfort reaches his arm around me and kissing me on the shoulder. Before I could even consider a reaction, I bit…”Not tonight!” Wounded and confused he rolles over.

It doesn't matter what our outside actions are. I think it is far more damaging when we go to war in our heart.

When is it right to go to war? Aren’t there times, when we are entitled to go to war? What about when family or civil liberties are threatened? There are probably times in life that we are going to need to take an aggressive action in order to preserve our liberties. Buck Brunnaman said, “As soft as possible, as firm as necessary.” When we have to be firm on our children for example, we can do it in the spur of the moment and act out in an act of war, or we can take a loving approach and still go firm but in a way that expresses our love and still allows room for the blessings of consequences. This principle stands true in all facets of our live.

Can You See Them?

I’m involved in several forums and blogs. I’ve recently noticed that everyone has something to say, whether they say it or not is an entirely different story. Is what we have to say raging or stirring something more powerful within? I ask this because of some of the agendas that are so predominate in our media today; for example gay rights or the recent legal issues regarding polygamy or polyamory .

What rights are we entitled to? As we walk into our local “big box” store, the signage designed to assist us in finding what we are looking for are often in both English and Spanish. Further, as we walk to our local town square often we can find a group of people either demonstrating or protesting something they believe to be an injustice against them. Of course, on the opposite side of the town square is a group protesting against the group on the other side. Who is right? Whose protest should be honored?

Do you stand in one of these groups, or do you stand in a group of your own silence? The question that begs an answer isn’t who is right, but more over what anger is raging? Mother Teresa said, “Never invite me to a war protest, but always invite me to a peace rally.”

What is the difference between a war protest and a peace rally? My simple answer is where your heart is. If your heart is at peace and love it can be inviting between the two differing parties.  Again Mother Teresa said, “If you want a love message to be heard, love has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

As our society rages with agendas, and feelings of being entitled because they are different we need to invite them into our love. Each one of them is Jesus in disguise. There are agendas raging in society that are against the will of God, but if I may be so bold; it would be even more against God if we rage against them as a person. We need to love openly and honestly. It doesn’t mean that we must agree with beliefs that are against the laws of God, but we shouldn't rage a war against them either.

If you find yourself at an anti-war rally, consider your heart. Can we as a society, one by one pull together in this perilise time and find love for each and everyone around us?

Consider that person that is raging in their agenda; consider they are full of fear, full of discontent, full of a contradictive spirit. Can you see them as Jesus sees them?

Finding You Joy

I have been sad, disappointed, I have prayed the prayer that many of the prophets have cried, "Where is Thin hiding place dear Lord..." I have experienced that I am not alone. The Lord does soften His voice, or allow us to wonder once in a while. When I exercise faith, patience, and dedication to keep trying everything works out. With this thought in mind, I struggle in the Hell of my own making less and less in each trial...And that's okay.

Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself. I do not minimize how hard some of these events are. They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do. The Lord inspired Lehi to declare the fundamental truth, “Men are, that they might have joy.”¹ That is a conditional statement: “they might have joy.” It is not conditional for the Lord. His intent is that each of us finds joy. It will not be conditional for you as you obey the commandments, have faith in the Master, and do the things that are necessary to have joy here on earth.

Your joy in life depends upon your trust in Heavenly Father and His holy Son, your conviction that their plan of happiness truly can bring you joy. Pondering their doctrine will let you enjoy the beauties of this earth and enrich your relationships with others. It will lead you to the comforting, strengthening experiences that flow from prayer to Father in Heaven and the answers He gives in return.

A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic obstacle. Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective. Likewise, problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth. Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness.

Finding Joy in Life , Elder Richard G. Scott, Ensign, May, 1996